Snowy abstract in Newcastle

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4

working weekends

 has to be one of the most depressing experiences of modern times. i appreciate if everywhere closed on a saturday/sunday it would crush the economy which would have a ripple effect throughout the worldwide financial markets.

however when that alarm goes off at 7:15am on a sunday morning while everyone else is fast asleep (or still awake) you start to question the decisions you have made in life which have led to this awful experience of getting out bed to go somewhere you really don’t want to be. once you have showered, had some toast, stood at the bus stop for 15 minutes in the freezing cold (thanks to the sunday bus schedule) you make it to work and everyone gives each other ‘that look’, the look that no one wants to be there.

every minute feels like an hour and you are counting down the time until you can walk out at exactly 5pm and go try salvage the rest of the weekend.  if you are in any role related to dealing with customers you will be very busy on saturday and deal with crazy people on sundays. depending on employers i have had some who have given a day off during the week to compensate, whereas others have expected 6 day working weeks – never fun.

looking back, working weekends at times may not have been a bad thing, i now truly appreciate not having to endure that dreaded early morning alarm and also being able to plan things in the future. if you’re working this weekend, remember it won’t be forever, also go the pub/have fun after work because life is short and time is the most valuable asset.

2

remember being 16/17 years old and taking cowies?

by this time you have probably smoked green/got pissed/smoked tabs for a few years, but taking ecstasy for the first time is still a big deal, i can remember being extremely nervous, afraid its was a snide pill, full of pmt, me being allergic or a thousand other horrible possibilities occurring. some of my most treasured memories have been times where i have had a cowie jaw and been surrounded by close friends, good music and made new friends with people for life. they were magical times. the good and bad thing about ecstasy is you eventually get bored, the comedowns become worse and worse over time and i found myself being very high but not feeling the same love i once felt. eventually you find yourself wasting a day (sometimes two) in bed after a big sesh, whereas just 19 months earlier you were able to get up the next day and go do grown up stuff at 11am (like going to work). as mentioned, some of my best memories were being wrecked, deep down i am kind of glad the high is never the same as you have to appreciate pain in order to enjoy happiness.

it has been several years since i have double dropped, so i cant comment if the high would be different now compared to all them years ago. the last cowie i took was just after mephadrone became illegal (i will write about mcat in another post). the pill cost me £10, whereas just 3 years earlier (pre-mcat epidemic) i could buy 5 for £10 anywhere in town, or 10 for £10 from a close friend (who sold thousands). on that first pill after so many years i definitely had fun, although i can remember just feeling wrecked with no love, felt like watching myself be high, feeling the normal sensations from ecstasy yet feeling deep down quite empty. it felt for some reason the love had been extracted from pills, mdma was no longer the same or i had hammered the serotonin levels in my brain after so years of abuse which may have contributed towards my current depression (this will be discussed at some point).

some of fondest memories have been while high of ecstasy and if i could go back i would not change a thing. i have met people who are close to 30 years old, they take their first pill and enter the ‘cowie hunny-moon period’ i.e. drop pills every weekend for 6 months straight before cutting down. i am very happy i experienced ecstasy at a younger age, the young and crazy years are well behind me so i can concentrate on me now, i will always look back with love for being 17 and full of ecstasy. i truly feel it has made me a better, nicer, more well rounded person, i have experienced immense love and seen what the world could be – wellaye