remember being 16/17 years old and taking cowies?

by this time you have probably smoked green/got pissed/smoked tabs for a few years, but taking ecstasy for the first time is still a big deal, i can remember being extremely nervous, afraid its was a snide pill, full of pmt, me being allergic or a thousand other horrible possibilities occurring. some of my most treasured memories have been times where i have had a cowie jaw and been surrounded by close friends, good music and made new friends with people for life. they were magical times. the good and bad thing about ecstasy is you eventually get bored, the comedowns become worse and worse over time and i found myself being very high but not feeling the same love i once felt. eventually you find yourself wasting a day (sometimes two) in bed after a big sesh, whereas just 19 months earlier you were able to get up the next day and go do grown up stuff at 11am (like going to work). as mentioned, some of my best memories were being wrecked, deep down i am kind of glad the high is never the same as you have to appreciate pain in order to enjoy happiness.

it has been several years since i have double dropped, so i cant comment if the high would be different now compared to all them years ago. the last cowie i took was just after mephadrone became illegal (i will write about mcat in another post). the pill cost me £10, whereas just 3 years earlier (pre-mcat epidemic) i could buy 5 for £10 anywhere in town, or 10 for £10 from a close friend (who sold thousands). on that first pill after so many years i definitely had fun, although i can remember just feeling wrecked with no love, felt like watching myself be high, feeling the normal sensations from ecstasy yet feeling deep down quite empty. it felt for some reason the love had been extracted from pills, mdma was no longer the same or i had hammered the serotonin levels in my brain after so years of abuse which may have contributed towards my current depression (this will be discussed at some point).

some of fondest memories have been while high of ecstasy and if i could go back i would not change a thing. i have met people who are close to 30 years old, they take their first pill and enter the ‘cowie hunny-moon period’ i.e. drop pills every weekend for 6 months straight before cutting down. i am very happy i experienced ecstasy at a younger age, the young and crazy years are well behind me so i can concentrate on me now, i will always look back with love for being 17 and full of ecstasy. i truly feel it has made me a better, nicer, more well rounded person, i have experienced immense love and seen what the world could be – wellaye


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